What should I ask an elderly parent who is unwell?

Start with easy, happy questions — a favourite meal, a song, a holiday — before anything weighty. Then ask what they are glad they did, what they want the grandchildren told, and whether there is anything they would like the family to know. Keep sessions to ten minutes and stop the moment they tire.

What if they don't want to talk about it?

Then leave it. Some people find these conversations a relief and others find them intrusive, and pushing turns a good afternoon into an argument. Record ordinary conversation instead — families almost always say afterwards that they miss the voice and the everyday talk more than the facts.

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The questions to ask when there isn't much time

Last updated 2 September 2026

Most guides about recording family stories assume you've got years. Sometimes you haven't, and the advice to "start with their childhood" feels absurd when you're sitting in a hospital chair.

This is a shorter, kinder list. You will not get through it, and you're not meant to.

Start with something easy

Not the big stuff. Something they can answer without effort, that reminds them they're still the person who knows things.

What's the best meal you ever ate?
Who made you laugh the most?
What did you always sing along to?
Which holiday would you go back to?

Then the ones that matter

What are you most glad you did?
Is there anything you'd like us to know?
What do you want the little ones told about you?
Is there anyone you'd like me to say something to?
What should we do with your things?
What would you like us to do on your birthday?

If they don't want to

Then don't. Some people find these conversations a relief, and some find them a door they'd rather keep shut, and both are allowed. A refused question is not a lost opportunity — pushing it is how you spend the last good afternoon on an argument.

Record the ordinary talk instead. Families who've done this almost never say they wish they'd got more facts. They say they wish they had more of the voice: the everyday grumbling, the way they answered the phone, the laugh.

A few practical things

Short and often. Ten minutes when they're bright beats an hour when they're tired.
Mornings, usually. Most people have more of themselves earlier in the day.
Don't wait to be ready. You won't be. A rough recording made this week is worth more than the careful one you were planning.
Let it be boring. The tea, the weather, the neighbour's dog. That's the texture you'll want later.

Afterwards

You may not be able to listen for a long while. That's normal, and it isn't a reason not to record. Put it somewhere safe, tell one other person in the family where it is, and leave it until you want it.

It will still be there. That's rather the point.

Retold records these conversations in the storyteller's own voice and draws them into little films your family can keep. It's in beta now — free while it's finding its feet.

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